


drowning in time

by shakespearespaz



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F, First Dates, Post-Endgame, also shoutout to q for letting me do things without actually being clever or creative, anyway shoutout to me for writing the most repressed janeway, the captain's not at her best here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 16:03:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16478636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespearespaz/pseuds/shakespearespaz
Summary: Kathryn Janeway’s not done exploring the universe, and someone else is just starting (sort of), aka Q sets Kathryn and Thirteen up for brunch, aka don’t ask my space ladies were begging to go on a date.This was meant to just be fun and then Kathryn wasn't happy and it became this.





	drowning in time

“Coffee.”

“Cereal. Oh, wait! Do you have those little doughy, rectangle, almost lilac-colored—you know, nevermind. Loops of fruits sound fantastic.”

Kathryn took in the woman—the being—across from her at the table. The chair could barely contain her, her energy and limbs overflowing.

This was a mistake. Kathryn had promised herself she would keep an open mind and heart, but that was so much harder now than it had been even five years ago.

Life was a challenge unlike any she’d faced in the Delta Quadrant. Sitting in meeting rooms and reading solely of the wonders of the universe on PADDs taxed her to the point where she found herself walking in circles around Starfleet headquarters at lunch, just to see something more than her desk. The fresh air only treated the symptom, not the cause.

Not to mention the months of debrief. They kept her busy, but she ached for something, anything, deeper; her mind begged for a worthwhile occupation. It was for her own good, for everyone’s good, that they all underwent a comprehensive evaluation. But it meant nowhere to go, except a few hours a day of talking to the higher ups and counselors, before they turned her loose again to be alone with her thoughts in her Starfleet provided apartment.  For years, she’d been perpetually exhausted. Now the abundance of time, the certainty of it all, was wearing her patience thin.

That’s why she’d agreed to this. He’d shown up unannounced, in her kitchen, to ridicule her burnt pancakes. His proposition was almost as ridiculous as he was. Still, she’d ignored the colorful language he’d used to describe her lack of a love life and let Q whisk her here.

“So, Doctor…” She frowned a little. “Doctor? Is that right?”

The woman nodded and cocked her head, pieces of blonde hair falling into her curious face.

Kathryn had known a Doctor, but now that Doctor was gone, away receiving numerous medical accolades. This replacement Doctor shined, with dark eyes and a demeanor that struck chords within Kathryn that her first Doctor never had. She wanted to know more but lacked the words to ask anything interesting.

“How do you know Q?” It was all she could manage, paired with a controlled smile.

She felt like she was imitating someone she used to be. Even her appearance felt forced; she’d pulled her hair away from her face but left part of it down, and she'd thrown on some slacks and a blue silk shirt. Her breakfast date was much more casual. Kathryn eyed her practical scuffed boots with striped socks peeking out, envious of the ease with which she carried herself.

“Oh, you know. You live enough years, travel enough through time and space, omniscient trickster gods are bound to find you.” She leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Actually, I didn’t like him at all first.” She reached for some toast on the table. “Actually, jury’s still out on that.”

An earnest half smile tugged at Kathryn’s lips. She seemed like the type of friend Q would find. Fun, but meddling. Witty and curious, but leaving you unsure if there was anything to back up their charisma.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Why not?”

“Why didn’t you like him?” Kathryn clarified. It made sense. An omnipotent being with little sense of propriety and a knack for sticking his nose in other people’s business wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

Instead of responding immediately, her breakfast date shoved the entire piece of toast in her mouth.

Kathryn waited. She had to stop herself from laughing at several points at the absurdity of it all, at the woman making various faces before her, whose bearing betrayed either great youthfulness or great age. She swallowed her disbelief over the fact that by her reckoning she should be in a morning meeting on Earth, not seated in a space restaurant far beyond her own galaxy, that still inexplicably served brunch and fruit loops. She even restrained herself from marveling over the serene blues of the gas giant floating calmly outside the window.

Finally, the toast was finished and her companion spoke.

“I don’t like beings that look down on others.” There was gravity to her words, gravity that had almost been betrayed by the toast antics. “Or play with them for their own amusement.”

That Kathryn understood. Perhaps there was something here after all. She found herself urged to dive deeper and took a breath to respond. Then, it became all too much, and she swallowed her words, straightening in her chair.

\--

The Starfleet woman was so composed. As a rule, militaristic organizations and their constituents made the Doctor nervous. No, not nervous, defensive.

She’d asked Q _why._ Why the United Federation of Planets, of all groups. He’d called them boring, she called them dangerous. They’d gone around like that for a while, at various points and places around the universe, until he appeared close to surrendering.

“I’m not sending you on a date with the entire Federation,” he finally declared, “Just with one individual. I think she needs you.”

Those words were her weakness. She had a million retorts, but that was enough to convince her to gift a few hours of her time, since she was nearly drowning in it anyway.

The toast had been a distraction, so she wouldn’t have to look the woman in the eye. The Doctor still stole glimpses at her, drawn by the way the light caught against hair the color of honey, how slight her shoulders looked silhouetted against the blue planet beyond. Q had gone on for literally eons about how alive and kind and compassionate and engaged his Captain Kathy was.

That was not the woman in front of her.

Their orders came, and the woman wrapped both hands around her steaming mug of coffee. In the silence of their first bites, the Doctor forced herself to look at those blue-grey eyes. Something was still alive there, particularly when she took a sip of her beverage.

The Doctor saw no course but honesty. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but is something wrong?”

“Ma’am?” The thought appeared to amuse her. “Please, call me Kathryn. We’re on a date, aren’t we?”

“Kathryn…” She repeated the name, feeling it stir something inside her. Names were important. She barreled forward.  “Kathryn, why is this so formal? You don’t really feel like you’re here. Can I help?”

Yes, she could see it; something was turning, clicking into place behind those intelligent, but peculiarly empty, eyes. Kathryn took a deep breath and placed the mug on the table.

“Have you ever lost anyone?”

That hurt somewhere in her two hearts, or perhaps her spleen. Maybe they were both just terrible at small talk, but whatever the reason, the shields were down. The Doctor leaned in.

“Yes.”

“How about people who haven't disappeared forever,” Kathryn continued, “They’re just never going to be what they once were, with you.”

The Doctor bit her lip. Goodness, did she know what that felt like. She’d been wrong. What she’d been getting from Kathryn wasn’t Federation vacancy, it was pain.

“I recently lost a community. They’re not gone. We’ve just gone our separate ways after travelling far.”

Holding her gaze was suddenly not hard at all. For a brief moment, she saw this woman, the breathless wonder and the mourning and the need.

Kathryn looked away. “I’m—I’m sorry. I need—I need to go.” She stood up suddenly, pushing the chair back. “I thought this would help, but I’m sorry, Doctor. It’s been…it’s been wonderful.”

The façade was almost back, but something in the Doctor’s entire being told her not to let her go. She did not have permission, but for once she didn’t care. She would not let this Starfleet human return to whatever was clearly crushing her from the inside.

The Doctor reached out and caught her hand. It was soft and warm and a perfect fit.

“The atmospheric conditions on that gas giant out there are known for creating the largest diamond storms you’ve ever seen, and if you’ve never seen a diamond storm, you’re missing out, and the differentiated core generates the wildest magnetic field, and I actually know the general manager here—well, technically the general manager’s sister’s wife’s sworn enemy—but I’m sure we could borrow his ship to get a closer look. If you want.”

She had to stop because she had used up all her breath. Kathryn hadn’t moved, her hand still clutched tightly between the Doctor’s fingers. The Doctor couldn’t bring herself to examine her companion’s eyes, so she focused solely on her hair against her blue silk shirt against the swirling clouds that painted the planet beyond.

She found herself desperately wanting to know what all three felt like.

“I know you probably can’t take any scientific readings back to Starfleet since they probably have rules against how data is obtained and when and all that, but on a personal level it might—”

“Doctor,” Kathryn breathed, “I would love that.”

Her eyes were eager, and even better was the smile. Genuine and warm, full of possibility.

The Doctor felt her nose scrunch in excitement. She meant to tug her along, to the universe beyond the doors, but was surprised when Kathryn matched pace with her.

“So...manager’s sister’s wife’s sworn enemy?”

“Oh, it’s a long story.”

The understanding between them was wordless. We have time.


End file.
